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Thursday, July 16, 2009

High Life by Hayes Hemingway

This is a medical marijuana dispensary in Los Angeles, California

Dispensaries are a stress-free option for people who need marijuana. I think based off of my retail history the only way I could be successful at owning a dispensary is if I stayed as far away from it as possible. I'd either have to pre-pay my monthly consumption up-front for the year or act as if I don't own a dispensary. Lucky for me I don't even have to entertain this notion, but my prior cannabis sales experience is reason enough for me not to ever entertain it. Let's laugh together at my disastrous, pathetic marijuana management mishaps. The ones I remember.

Honestly I've never been able to sell bud the right way and that's my fault because it's not hard at all. All you have to do is have merchandise in stock, be open for business and account for all earnings properly. I usually fucked up by losing track of the first and the third parts. I was always open for business, because your business usually meant me getting smoked out.

But when I wasn't getting smoked out I didn't have the discipline not to dip into the inventory and smoke that. Or usually something went wrong and that would be me, happening.

I like to lose large sums of money. I've gone shopping and left my cash on the counter, thinking I had it in my pocket. I can assure you that my repetitive mismanagement made a lot of people's days because I lost money in bunches and it was always stupid.

I first started when this wanna-be entrepreneur hit me up and asked me to move some ounces for him. I used to date his sister but she hated me, but he and I would smoke regularly, so we got along. He gave me an ounce and wanted $45 per eighth. I was down to my last eighth and I had all of his $360 and I happened to be sleeping over at a friend's house and all I know is when I went to bed I had the money on me and when I woke up it was gone-inexplicably. I couldn't even tell you how I lost it. I slept on a couch and I tore up the cushions and emptied all my pockets. The eighth was there but not the money. I had no choice but to come up with that $360, on my own.

To make up for that $360 I found a friend of mine who was selling good ounces for ridiculously cheap--$250 a piece. I told the brother of the chick I used to date to drop $700 and he'd get his $360 via a third ounce. He'd buy two and get the third free. The deal was going down around April 20th so he was all about it.

This transaction started a trend and I realized I was not good at doing this unless I had another occupation that could make up for the money I made disappear. I told myself this didn't seem right, yet I proceeded thinking I'd get it right the next time.

The next time I was selling weed I was completely delusional because I thought that everything was working out fine but it wasn't. My roommate would bring two ounces home every Sunday from Manhattan. The bud was top notch. In no time we had a devoted customer base. The business was great too, if you were my roommate, that is. He didn't smoke, and I believe he didn't because he saw me smoking like there was no tomorrow, and he preferred money over the bud.

Unfortunately you can't place 56 grams in front of me and expect my mind to make the distinction between right and wrong. Slowly I learned though, especially when it was accounting time and I'd hand my roommate his cut and mine was non-existent. I'd look back on the past 7 days and wonder "did I really smoke my share and then some?" Sadly, I did. I grew extremely annoyed one day when I was counting up the proceeds and my end was missing entirely. I quickly cashed a paycheck from my regular job to make up for it. Quite loserish if you ask me.

In that situation I thought that things were good, but it wasn't just having good bud to sell that made me that way. I don't think the bud makes a difference. Just because I wasn't smoking it I thought I could make it work but I realized that I'm bad with large sums of money.

Once this dealer I knew wanted me to push his product in bulk. He set me up with a real bargain where I was selling almost an 8th for 20 dollars. It was three grams even. This bud I didn't like at all, so I wasn't smoking it, but a lot of other people enjoyed it and I was spending my proceeds before turning in the final sum. That simply didn't work out.

One time money was missing it was over $500 and that put me in a really bad situation. I had to borrow from one friend to cover it and then I still had to pay that back. Funny enough, the friend I borrowed the money from, one night he and I were on our way to a party in a remote location, meaning people weren't leaving till the next morning. My mind told me this was a marijuana gold mine because I could sell my portions for at least double, (and I turned out to be right) but my friend told me he didn't want that in his car, and he was my ride to the party. I felt like our friendship was more important than me blatantly disrespecting him over a financial gain that wasn't worth the risk. In the end everything worked itself out, though.

Having gone through this I told myself that I should not be selling bud anymore but I thought I could start a network and be a supervisor, so I decided to employ these two females I knew. What I should've done was told my friend that I didn't want to get involved. Instead I gave the pre-bagged ounce he gave me to the girls to sell because they were sly and I believed highly in their success rate.

Again I didn't listen when I advised myself not to go forward with it. One of the girls even told me "I don't sell bud," but because she hung around dudes who smoked all day I was like, "What's the problem?"

Needless to say they disappeared with my bud and I never saw a penny and that was completely my fault. Another time I'm out several hundred dollars.

And this is nothing complicated or difficult. It's just selling something that people need. There are simple rules to follow and I chose never to follow them. I'll repeat them for anyone out there who didn't get it initially. First you must always properly account for your funds. Secondly, and Biggie taught us this, "Never get high on your own supply." Lastly be a business-person first and a friend second.

DJ Pooh wrote a movie starring Ice Cube and Chris Tucker about a pot dealer who owed his dealer money because he smoked all the weed he was supposed to sell. That movie started the "Friday" trilogy.

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